Dealing with a Sinning Brother

Lynn Huggins
06/01/25 - Sunday AM Worship

 Dealing With A Sinning Brother

Matthew 18:15-17

Introduction:  Read Matt. 18:15-17.   In this passage Jesus is telling us what we must do if a brother sins against us.  This is the focus of our lesson this morning.

I. “If a brother SINS AGAINST YOU”   v. 15

      A. He did not say, “if your brother annoys you,”, or “If your brother hurts your feelings.”  Sometimes

            we can make a mountain out of a mole hill. 

            1. A brother may do something unintentionally that hurts our feelings, or did something

                  unintentionally that we think was not very thoughtful.  Let us not make some big deal out of

                  that.

      B. This passage is talking about someone SINNING against us.

            1. It may be he cheats me out of some money, or he curses me to my face, or he lies about

                  me to hurt my reputation, or he destroyed some of my property to get revenge.

      C. Notice the personal nature of this sin.  “If a brother sins AGAINST YOU.”

            1. The words “against you” are not in some manuscripts.  But it is implied, and it seems evident

                  that the apostles recognized the implication.  Notice verse 21.

            2. This is not just any sin that a brother commits.  This is a personal sin against me.

                  Some think that with any sin that a brother commits, we must follow this order (me and him

                  alone, take one or two more, tell it to the church, etc) 

                  However, some sins require immediate public rebuke.    Gal. 2:11-14

                  a. Peter committed a sin.  He withdrew from the Gentiles when certain men came from James.

                  b. This was a public sin and required public rebuke.  Paul reproved Peter before them all.

                  c. But if Matthew 18:15 is telling us how to deal with any sin a brother commits, then Paul

                        would have not followed that pattern.  But Peter’s sin was a public sin and thereby

                        influencing others to sin.  His sin required a different approach. 

            3. This a personal matter between me and the one who has sinned against me.  What am I to do?

II. “go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.”   v. 15

      A. Let us first talk about some things Jesus did NOT say.

            1. “If your brother sins against you, get him back.  Make him feel as uncomfortable as you can.

                  Get your revenge.”

                  a. This may be what we are inclined to do, but it is not what the Lord says to do.

                  b. Rom. 12:19-21     We are to do good to him rather than return the evil he has done.

            2. “If your brother sins against you, get on the phone and tell everybody about it.”

                  a. We may do this in a subtle way that we do not realize what we are doing. 

                        We may say “I have a problem, and I’m not sure how to deal with this problem.”  And we

                        tell what this person has done against me.  And we may do this same thing and tell it to

                        others to see what their advice is, and then these others tell it to one or two more, and

                        before you know it, it’s all out there.  And the hope of bringing this brother back may be

                        lost.

                  b. He didn’t say “go tell it to the elders.”  He said, “go and tell him his fault between you and

                        him alone.”

            3. “If your brother sins against you, file it away.”

                  a. He didn’t say file it away so that five years from now when you have some trouble with that

                        brother you can remind him of his fault.

                  b. Love does not make a memorandum of evil done to itself.  Love “thinks no evil” (1 Cor.

                        13:5)

            4. “If your brother sins against you, ignore it.”

                  a. There was a brother in a church (not here) who was an auto mechanic who said that he had

                        done work on cars for several in the congregation and some of those never paid him.  He

                        said he would just forget about it.  A preacher asked him, “could they go to hell because

                        they didn’t pay you for work that you did?”  He said, “I guess so.”

                  b. When a brother commits a sin, it is not something we can ignore.  James 5:19-20

                  c. A brother who commits a sin against me, refuses to repent, and then 20 years later comes

                        back and begins to attend.  He still needs to repent before he is accepted into the

                        fellowship.

      B. What did the Lord say? -  “if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you

            and him alone.  If he hears you, you have gained your brother.”

            1. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if every private dispute would be handled like this?

            2. I go to him, he acknowledges his sin, repents, and I forgive him.  Nobody else will ever know

                  about it because I’m not going to talk about it to anyone else. I have forgiven him and it is to

                  never be brought up again.  If anyone ever knows about it, it is because he tells it.

            3. Let’s talk about forgiveness.   The word “forgive” is not in verse 15, but it is implied.

                  a. Look at verses 21-22.   Jesus is saying however many times a brother sins and repents, I

                        must forgive him.

                  b. Jesus then gives a parable, verses 23-35

                        Compare being forgiven of 10,000 talents to having the responsibility to forgive one who

                        owes me 100 denarii.  It is like I have been forgiven of a debt of 10 million dollars to one

                        who owes me 17 dollars.  If I have been forgiven, I sure should forgive him. 

                  c. v. 35  The forgiveness must be from the heart, not just some verbal “I forgive you.”

                        The sin is in the past.  It is over.

                  d. If I don’t forgive, then neither will the Father forgive me.  Matt. 6:14-15

III. “But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three

       witnesses every word may be established.’”   v. 16

      A. The one or two more are not witnesses to the sin, but witnesses to my approach to the one who

            has sinned against me, and his response.

      B. Keep in mind also that one of the goals of taking the one or two more is to bring him to repentance

            (“and if he refuses to hear them…” v. 17)

            1. Therefore, take those who would have a positive impact on the one who has sinned against you.

                  Don’t take your best friends who are likely to side with you, but take those who would have

                  the greatest impact on the one who has sinned.  Remember your goal is to bring him to

                  repentance.

IV. "And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church.  But if he refuses even to hear the church,

       let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”    v. 17 

      A. Bring to bear the whole church and its influence on this brother to bring him to repentance.

            1. Members go to him in love and concern for his soul.

      B. If he does not hear the church, he is to be to you like a heathen and a tax collector (a social

            outcast).

            1. To be like a heathen and a tax collector was to be a social outcast.  That is what they were to the

                  Jews.

            2. 2 Thess. 3:6, 14-15    “…and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed.”

                  1 Cor. 5:5, 11, 13   “deliver such a one to Satan…   But now I have written to you not to keep

                  company with anyone named a brother who is… not even to eat with such a person…  

                  Therefore ‘put away from yourselves the evil person.”

            3. All my close friends are Christians.  If the church were to withdraw from me, I don’t know who

                  I would associate with.  One of the things that concerns me is that we sometimes separate

                  ourselves so much from other Christians and spend so little time with other Christians that if

                  the church took this action we would hardly know that the church took the action.

                  a. We need to be spending time with one another that if this action was ever required, then we

                        would feel the loss and it would have its intended impact on us.

      C. After we have withdrawn from him, we do not view him as an enemy, but we must admonish him

            as a brother.    2 Thess. 3:15

            1. What happens sometimes is that when we do withdraw from someone, we cut them off, and

                  think that is the end of them.  We never try to see them again, never try to admonish them.

                  The Lord wants us to still try to bring them to repentance even after we withdraw from them.

      D. The purpose for this action is to bring the sinning brother to repentance.

            1. 2 Thess. 3:14      “that he may be ashamed”

            2. 1 Cor. 5:5    “…for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the

                  Lord Jesus.”

            3. It is to gain the brother.   Matt. 18:15

            4. We must always keep this in mind through the whole process.

                  a. The spirit should be “This brother has sinned against me, but I know if I go to him with the

                        right spirit he will repent and I will gain my brother.”   And if he doesn’t repent, I think

                        “I know if I take these two brethren with me whom he respects and he knows how much

                        they love him, that he will repent.”  And if he does not repent, I think “Surely he loves

                        the church, and he knows that the church loves him, and if the church goes to him, I’m sure

                        he will repent.”  

                  b. If all along we approach him with love and with a positive attitude, we have a better chance

                        of bringing him to repentance.  Every step is taken hoping for repentance.  If we all will do

                        this, in many cases we will not have to withdraw from him.

            5. A brother came to Granville Tyler and said, “Brother Tyler we just withdrew from a man and

                  we did it right.  We went to him alone, we took one or two with us, we told it to the church and

                  we withdrew from him.  We did it right, don’t you think, brother Tyler?”  Brother Tyler said,

                  “I doubt it.”  The reason he doubted it was because he knew their goal was to get rid of him,

                  but in order to do that they had to go through certain steps before they did what they intended

                  to do the whole time. 

            6. Our approach must always be with the intent of gaining our brother.

Conclusion:  In our efforts to deal with a sinning brother, if we would always conduct ourselves as Jesus, our Lord teaches us, then there is a greater chance that this brother will come to repentance.  May we all follow the Lord instructions concern our brother who sins against us.